Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
