Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He passed out mid-signature
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
