i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
