dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
