remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
