I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
