what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
