no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
