i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
