He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
