i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
