goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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