I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Even my vagina gasped.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
