I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
