We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
