I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Randomize
