a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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