There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
