for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
