I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
