i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
