why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
