great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
