He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
you never un-have a 4some
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
