Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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