I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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