My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
