Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
This baby is an asshole
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
