Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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