I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
