PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i may or may not be watching the land before time
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
