I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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