Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
