Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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