there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
