Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
