it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
