Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
