How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
