I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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