she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
