singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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