I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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