I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Sorry my hands just texted you
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
