So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
