I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
