So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
