so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
