Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
