I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
