I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
