Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
