Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
