I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
