You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
