I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
