I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
