if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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